Walking down the street wearing my sweet headphones, belting out my favorite song as I weave between other pedestrians on the busy street – it’s fun when things work out this way. I feel more alive than usual. I think the speed makes me feel alive, the loudness of the music, the way I don’t care about other people as much as usual.
But is that really why I feel so good? Or is it because in all this speed and noise, I inadvertently found a way to let go for a few minutes? I think what really happened is I let go of my inhibitions for a while, and in the process I managed to stop struggling with myself. This is actually pretty good. The problem is, in all this speed and noise I am forgetting to be mindful of other pedestrians, and frankly, I am forgetting to care for myself. I could really hurt myself or I could create problems for somebody else.
And of course, the moment somebody becomes an obstacle for me, all this cool I have accidentally acquired? It will be gone in a flash of annoyance at the other human being who had the nerve to get in the way of my good time, to get in the way of my speed.
So, here’s a compromise: maybe I can just let go of the struggle. Can I struggle less without the speed? Can I enjoy walking and weaving, but pay attention to the people around me? Maybe I will notice people more, and find that my natural kindness comes through. Maybe I will care for myself more, and appreciate my time getting from place to place.
I think it’s worth a try.