Regrets

Looking for pics of John Lennon online. I kinda figured I’d change my profile pic for the day, but something stopped me in my tracks. There’s a pic floating around of what he might look like if he had lived longer. Oh well, you know… I’m sorry he’s gone.

There is no woulda, no coulda… No, “well, if he was here, he woulda…” And no, “I coulda, if only… “

And there’s no precious person I coulda (there’s that word again) known, if only… 

All there is, is now, and this, and you. I wanna know you… you know? But I’m frightened. Not sure why. Maybe I’m hardwired this way, or maybe it’s a lifetime of difficulty with people. But anyway, these regrets, the woulda and coulda, the longing for people who are gone, these keep me at a distance from you. Which is the point, of course, but it leaves me lonely.

I think the next step is for me to admit that I am frightened. Admit that I am lonely. And just… see where that leads. 

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